The Babies Came Back
I entered a production studio in November 2017 to record my audio book, The Call to Love. It felt finished. I was ready to share our journey with all of you. I poured out my heart through each and every phrase and chapter. I drank tea and took deep breaths. We added the music and fixed the mix. After a few weeks, it was completed. I felt really happy with how it had all turned out. The final chapter I had decided to call, The End So Far. It seemed right.
Literally four weeks later, exactly 28 days later, on December 9th, 2017, the babies came back. In the book I talk about how we had advocated for keeping all the brothers and sisters together. It made no sense to me that the two little girls were separated from their older siblings. Well over the years their story had continued and although we had only seen them a few times a year, our love for them never died. I still carried their names around my neck every day. And a day came when a text came through on my phone asking if we could take the girls.
We said yes.
For the next seven months we had little girls in the house. They were giggling and dancing and cuddling. They brought an energy to our home that had been greatly missed. I became a kindergarten mom! A role I had never had before. It was a whole new world to keep up with them and all that they were learning. Initially there was talk of adoption. But we did our best to just take it one day at a time.
It was a life changing seven months. They lost teeth. They learned to read. They loved their teachers and were loved in return. We had an amazing Christmas, with a big dance party on the 24th and opening presents together the next morning with all seven kids in our home. One was in gymnastics and we were able to celebrate her birthday at the gym with all her friends. One was in dance class and all the kids showed up for her little dance recital where she twirled in her sparkly dress to "A Million Dreams" while I sobbed.
I close my eyes and I can see The world that's waiting up for me That I call my own Through the dark, through the door Through where no one's been before But it feels like home
They can say, they can say it all sounds crazy They can say, they can say I've lost my mind I don't care, I don't care, so call me crazy
We can live in a world that we design
'Cause every night I lie in bed The brightest colors fill my head A million dreams are keeping me awake I think of what the world could be A vision of the one I see A million dreams is all it's gonna take A million dreams for the world we're gonna make
We sang the all The Greatest Showman songs and played and laughed day after day. And then it was over. One day in June 2018 another call came letting me know they were going home with their family. And the two little girls left. We packed up their bags and said our goodbyes. And once again, they were gone.
It has been a devastating loss. But this is foster care. We open up our homes and our hearts, never sure of the outcome or what tomorrow will hold. We love and help and hold and let go.
I have tried to take the last few weeks to recover and get back to who I used to be. I'm better now than I was. I pray they are safe and happy. I love them. I miss them. Their names are still around my neck. I don't think our story is over.
So, for one more time... This Is The End So Far