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The Call to Love - Week 11

Updated: Sep 4, 2018

3 Simple Steps to Bring Peace Back into Your Home

The goal is peace. For a lot of parents, their goal for their family is education or athleticism, financial success or travel experiences. For foster and adoptive parents, the goal must be peace. The first goal we must accomplish with our children is to help them learn how to love and trust others. This will not be accomplished in weeks, but years. The damage that was done to their little brains in utero or in the trauma of their childhood will take a long time to repair. It will never fully be healed, but the scar tissue will mend.

Peaceful Parenting of children and teens from foster care

So, in order to help these children become loving and trusting adults, we must become a peaceful presence in the home. We must learn to soften our tone and calm our heart so that we are able to help them calm down, not join their chaos (LR Knost). How are you doing at remaining calm? Are you taking care of yourself? If you need a reminder on that topic before you dive into this chapter, check out the self care blog I wrote a few months ago. It is filled with practical, inexpensive ideas for busy parents.

In the book I cover a lot of different issues and interventions for you to consider at home. In this blog I also want to give you a deeper dive into those issues raised so that you can really focus on some changes you can make at home this week.

1. In this chapter I again discussed a DBT skill, and this time it was TIPP. I hope you found it helpful. If you remember the acronym stands for Temperature, Intense Exercise, Paced Breathing & Progressive Muscle Relaxation. If you are looking for more information on deep breathing exercises, check out the blog that my co-parent Roy wrote a little while back.

I found a really simple and fun video on youtube that does a great job explaining the basics of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. Check it out here, it's only 8 minutes. And, as I have mentioned before, the main website for DBT is Behavioral Tech. If you or your child would benefit from DBT ensure that you are working with a clinican that is using a trauma informed approach and has been trained in this modality.

2. How are you managing nutrition in your home? Is it a challenge? I know for most foster & adoptive homes it can become a battle. Instead of making it yet another argument in your home, consider creating some compromises and strategies that will allow your child to develop loving and trusting relationships while growing healthy and strong. For more information on this topic consider checking out, The Spoon Foundation. Also, if you are interested in a video, check out this one from Dr Purvis, Engaging in Food Battles with Connection in Mind.

3. Sleep issues are a problem for so many foster & adoptive families. It becomes even larger because we, as the parents, don't get the sleep we need so we end up becoming more irritable and desperate for solutions to this problem. If you are looking for more information on this topic you might be interested in this article on Sleep Problems in the Alcohol or Drug-exposed Child by Ira J. Chasnoff M.D. Or, check out this video from Dr K Purvis, Effective Ways to Deal with Sleep Issues. Even if you do not agree with her Christian perspective, I think you will agree that the most important theme in how we address these sleep issues is to come to our children with love and trust. To increase their need to feel safe and peaceful.

If these issues are bringing up more questions for you, feel free to reach out. Let's connect! Email me at

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